Sex And The City Movie: Wasted opportunity for men

It was Friday and the air was soaked with Eau De Perfume while the stars twinkled like flashbulbs of the paparazzi.
Last Friday was the premiere of the movie Sex and the City, the popular HBO series that was make into a movie. Much like The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, Sex and the City created a frenzy long before its opening that morphed everyday people into the productions characters.Having quarantined any past memory of Sex and the City, or any former girlfriend associated with it, to a distant region of my brain , I dismissed the fanfare that seemed to be brewing for weeks. This was a grave mistake as bountiful opportunities were overlooked and I am unsure when something like this will present its self again.

How was the movie?..who cares

I didnt see the movie and frankly I didnt even know it was playing. All I know is that I text message a bartender that I to know to ask if her bar was busy. She replied no, but the Sex and The City girls are here. I just figured she was being sarcastic, you can do that when you are hot and have access to alcohol, and went to the bar anyway. Upon arrival I was greeted by a crappy band and plenty of bar seats but much to my delight there were 9 attractive women sitting in around the bar in various group formations. All seemed to be dressed very well and several were drinking cosmopolitans. While this scenario may seem a dream to some men, to me it was a frightening step back in time and if it wasnt for the cleavage of one patron I may have ran screaming out of the establishment.
Several years ago I had a girlfriend who was a Sex in the City addict. She would schedule their day around the show, note what clothes were worn, what food and drink was consumed and even what kind of pets the cast had. I felt like I was in some virtual reality relationship only I obviously didnt have any control over who I was going to bed with. I remember one night when I was out with her and she had up until that time been a beer drinker. I asked the bartender for two Coors Lights when I was interrupted by Ill have a cosmo and s plume of smoke across my face. I turned and looked at her and asked what the hell is this about to which she replied I just want to try something new. New is fine. There were plenty of new things I would have liked her to try; stop bitching, be more accepting of unfamiliar ideas in bed, stop acting like her mother. This little new preference may seem petty but when you jump from a $3 beer to a $8 cosmopolitan because of a TV show I get little annoyed. From there the hair started changing: the clothes, the music and anything else that her brain could absorb from watching the series. My girlfriend was becoming a stalker/groupie over imaginary characters. Crazy is still crazy even with a Fendi bag.
The mighty falcon dives towards his prey
Since the bar was empty I figured it would be a good time to act like a man for once. Growing weary of sitting by myself all night and crying myself to sleep, I convinced myself I would go strike up some SITC talk with the ladies. So in my most masculine posture I stood up from the bar and went to the mens room to check for nose hair or whiteheads and then went out and approached them in the most confident of strides. I stuck my head in between the two closest to me and asked in a low rich guy tone so how was the movie
I then was left out of the conversation for the next 4 minutes. Like schoolgirls rushing off the bus to call each other, these two girls began to rehash the movie as though they hadnt seen it with each other. As I nodded my head: raising it to catch a baseball score then lowering it to speculate on pantie colors, I realized the excitement in their voices. This movie had done what we males fail to accomplish daily. It made women shut up and think for two hours. For once I was sitting in between two girls at a bar and I wasnt listening to one of them bitch about anything. My mind started to toy with the idea that this movie is actually a good thing, and in what ways would that be exploitable.
I quickly found out that in the whole theater there were only two men. I quickly presumed that these two guys were gay but was corrected by the girls and told the men were with women. My next speculation was that their presence was not willing and most likely was the payback for a lost bet or some reconciliation attempt after being caught cheating. Had this not been the case I am sure that their patronage to the viewing will undoubtedly be used in the future as a bargaining chip for a night out with the guys. I would surely favor the latter.
So I figure every woman noticed these two poor prisoners. My sinister tendencies took over and I wondered what the response would be if I went, alone, to one of these screenings. If I just stood in the lobby, eating popcorn by myself, wearing an Eagles jersey and looked around smiling, would I look as pathetic as I hope. Perhaps I could draw the attention of a few girls who were disappointed by their boyfriends refusal to go with them to the movie. If I could make myself visible to the masses and then walk into the theater: down the isle to the front and in my obviously solo state squeeze past skirt covered knees to sit. alone, in the middle , I surely would garner some sympathy. After the movie I would chat it up on the slow walk out knowing full well that eyes were upon me. I would then head to the bar knowing the after movie crowd would arrive and someone would have to recognize me as that guy Out of a hundred or so women in the theater, the chances that a dozen or so will be surrounding me would be odds that even I could utilize. Talk about a stacked deck!
My daydreaming was interrupted by another tidbit shared by the babbling bimbos: the movie sold out two days before its opening. Women are more competitive than men and this is a good trait. No woman wanted to be the one hearing about the movie at work the next day. Had I known the demand would have been at such a fevered frenzy I would have slept out for tickets. Holding premiere tickets to the Sex in the City movie is paramount to holding cocaine at a Hooters waitress training session. If I was to score a dozen tickets I would hold the key to a financial and sexual windfall. My thoughts of greed and lust intertwined like the stripes on a barber pole. I felt a sickening in my stomach that only a lost opportunity can create.
At some point way back at how was the movie I heard boyfriend: mentioned a few times from each girl. Being in my late thirties I have developed a strong dislike for getting my ass kicked which handily supersedes my desire to get laid. The image of hundreds of women throwing panties at me in a dark theater had supplanted any notion of hitting on these two girls, single or taken. I excused myself and thanked them for their information and made my way back to my stool. I vowed never to miss another opportunity like this again.

About the Author (text)

Please Rate The Above Article From The Humor Category

Not yet Rated

Click the XML Icon Above to Receive Humor Articles Via RSS!

Additional Articles From - Home | Humor